Why Resilience in Parents Matters
As Camp Professionals at Teton Valley Ranch Camp, we are well equipped for helping campers work through their homesickness. We see it every summer; campers trying something new for the first time,navigating new friendships, and missing the comforts of home. We sit on porches with them and listen, allowing them to get all of their feelings out. Then we get them engaged in the program, making connections with their cabinmates, and maybe even helping them express themselves in letters back home to their family. Doing anything new for the first time can be scary and uncomfortable, especially as a young person. However, this is also true for our parents. One of our goals at TVRC is to help our parents work through their own version of homesickness, kidsickness: the longing for your absent camper.
Kidsickness is a very real, very valid feeling. For many parents, this is the first time being away from their camper for an extended period of time. That child-sized absence can feel bottomless. If your camper is feeling homesick and writing those sad letters home to you, which they will, because you are their safe space where they feel most comfortable expressing those painful feelings, your kidsickness will expand to absorb those feelings. I have a few tips and tricks for parents to understand their kidsickness, work through it, and increase resilience—all while setting an example for their campers who may be struggling with their own homesickness.
First, understanding what can increase those feelings of kidsickness is an important step. If this is your first time away from your camper, you are going to feel some level of kidsickness. Our children are our own hearts walking around outside of our chest—their absence is going to feel like a loss. That first letter talking about how it rained three days straight, how they are having a hard time connecting with others, or how much they miss you and wish they could just hug you, may have you googling flights to Jackson Hole at 2am. I am not telling you to ignore those feelings, but give yourself a moment to take a few deep breaths. 98% of the time when a camper sends a sad letter home, they feel instantly better having shared their feelings and they are already moving onto the next activity. Remember that they are in the hands of camp professionals who spend countless hours learning, teaching, and practicing homesick camper response.
Cell phones and social media have primed our brains to be on a constant dopamine release loop, and seeing photos of your camper is guaranteed to release a good amount of dopamine. However, constantly refreshing your phone, waiting for the photos to be uploaded, can increase those feelings of kidsickness. Our photographers are tasked with taking hundreds of photos every day, editing those photos, and then uploading them in a timely manner. We promise those photos will make their way to you in the form of a once daily upload- no need to refresh your phone every 30 seconds.
Next, let’s talk about what can help ease these feelings of kidsickness. The first, and most important step to take, is to trust the Directors of your child’s camp. Call us, ask all of your questions (and I truly mean all of them), whatever it takes to feel comfortable entrusting your camper into our care; a trust that we recognize and take very seriously. Second, prepare your camper for homesickness. Instead of brushing it under the rug or hoping that it just won’t happen, talk to them about what homesickness might look like. Talking about it will not make it worse, but it will give your camper the tools they need to recognize homesickness and how to work through it. Two things can be true: your camper can be homesick and still be having a wonderful time at camp. As mentioned in previous blogs about homesickness, it is a gift to your child for them to believe you are confident in them and that they can have this experience independently without the need to be rescued. Be an example for your camper, your kidsickness is the mirror image of their homesickness. They will be watching you to see how you handle your own discomfort- if you can do it, so can they!
Write letters to your camper- and not just eLetters. Take some time to sit down and handwrite a letter (or two, or twenty) to send your camper through the postal service. Does it take longer? Yes. Will it hold more significance? Absolutely. To quote this very idea from Homesick and Happy by Dr. Michael Thompson, “the time between sending and receiving a letter is a valuable opportunity for both parent and child to think about one another without having to do anything with or for each other. That reflection time will deepen your child’s understanding of him- or herself, and it will increase the respect you have for one another. You will be proud that your child was able to be away from you, and your child will be proud that you managed without him or her… So many parents have reported that their campers return more loving and demonstrative than they were before they left.”
Finally, if you are able to, take a break from parenting- and don’t feel guilty about it! Take a little trip, go to that fancy restaurant, read that book that has been sitting on your bedside table for the last 7 years. Take some time for yourself, refresh and fill your cup, knowing that your camper is having an incredible experience. This helps you show up and be more present when your camper comes home and it will show your camper the correlation between self-care and resilience.
Just as there is no shame in homesickness for our campers, there is no shame in kidsickness for our parents. Learning to navigate that feeling, and giving your camper the opportunity to grow in their independence, is what parenting is all about. What a gift to give your camper: the confidence that they are ready to face the world when they leave home; for summer camp, and whatever adventure follows next.